Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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