the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
