His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
