Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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