Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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