And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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