Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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