I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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