Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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