i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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