Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
