You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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