He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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