Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
