I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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