You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
