I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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