things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
