never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
