There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
