That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
