My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
