At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
