K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
