So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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