you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
