I wish I only lived at night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
