i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
