Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
