You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
