everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
