All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
