You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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