remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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