Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
