dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think my vagina is haunted
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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