I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
