He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
