He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
