at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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