All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
