And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
