My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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