We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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