Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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