We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
