we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
