Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
