ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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