I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
